I'm going to tell you about last week exactly as it was. It was one of the most challenging weeks I have had in a long time. Buckle up, it's one thing after another!

No coaching lesson neatly packaged at the end. Just the week, as it happened, because I think we need to be more honest about what some weeks actually look like.

It started with Daniels School transport

School started back on Wednesday. Daniel's transport was supposed to be allocated at the beginning of July.

It wasn't confirmed until Monday. Two days before he was due back.

And that wasn't even the worst of it.

For the last twelve months, Daniel has gone to my dad's house every Thursday evening and been picked up from there by his school transport on Friday morning. My dad lives ten minutes from me. It gives Daniel time with his grandad. And it gives me one of the only windows of rest I have in my week.

The council pulled my dad's address from the transport route. With two days notice.

What this means practically is that my 79 year old dad would have to get Daniel ready and drive him to school which is 20 minutes away for 9m on a Friday morning. That's not something he should have to manage. So that window of rest, the very rare window of rest that i get, is gone.

I appealed it. They rejected it. I am now going through a stage one complaint with Edinburgh Council.

It's not the first time I've appealed something from Edinburgh Council. The last time was fighting for Daniel's school place, which I won. I'm pretty confident I'll keep going until this has a resolution that actually makes sense.

The fence

Eight weeks of back and forth after paying a deposit to have the fence, the shed, the decking, and Daniel's climbing frame painted. Two colours carefully selected. Pictures provided. Everything agreed.

They came. They were extremely rude. I felt uncomfortable in my own home the entire time they were there.

The colour I'd chosen was teak. A warm, rich brown.

What I got was orange.

They’re only response when challenged was what you asked for and it will dry darker….I can confirm it does not dry darker!

On top of this they only did half the job and told me they'd be back the following day. They didn't show up. They messaged to say they wouldn't be back for six weeks because they have other clients booked in.

So my garden is currently half done and entirely the wrong colour.

The Friday

We went to meet a friend for a walk and some food. Normally fine. Daniel loves going out on his scooter.

But as we were getting out of the car, I closed the door incorrectly. Daniel likes things done in a certain way, in a certain sequence. The sequence didn't happen properly and he dysregulated immediately.

It lasted on the street for 15 minutes, the result was we had to get back in the car, drive to another parking spot, and start the whole process again from scratch.

He was unsettled for the rest of the day.

I was pretty unsettled for the rest of the day!

That evening we went to his horse riding, which he normally loves. He refused to put his hat on. Then he put it on. Then he took it off. They brought his horse Max around three times. Each time Daniel had his hat on, settled, ready. Each time the horse arrived, the hat came off.

You cannot ride without the hat.

We left without riding the horse. We went home. And I just sat with the exhaustion of the whole day for a while.

The 1 AM party I didn’t ask for

To top off the week, Daniel decided this was the week for 1 AM parties.

From Tuesday, the evening before he went back to school, he started waking up at 1 AM every single night.

The first night he came into my bed in his school uniform. Which was, genuinely, super cute. So I just let that happen.

But it continued every single night after that.

I think it's the transition back to school. His nervous system is adjusting to the change in routine. I understand it completely. But understanding something and functioning on no sleep are two very different things.

By the end of the week he was exhausted and dysregulated at home in a way he rarely is. Screamy. Not listening. Not responding to the things that usually work.

The kind of parenting where you're doing everything right and it's still just really, really hard.

What the week felt like from the inside

This was one of the most challenging weeks I've had in a very, very long time.

I couldn't access any of my tools.

Mindfulness. Silence. Meditation. The things that usually work for me. I didn't even give them a shot. Because I knew that these individual acts weren't going to touch the headspace I was in. And trying them and having them not work would probably have made me feel worse, not better.

So instead I rode the wave. Let the emotions be there. Trusted that I would come out the other side.

A few years ago this headspace would have become a spiral. It would have sent me into thoughts that I wasn't good enough, that I didn't have anybody around me, that I had no support.

This time, although it really highlighted how much of what I'm facing I'm facing alone, I knew that support existed if I reached out for it. I didn't reach out last week because I was in a space where I couldn't really express it or regulate it. And I wasn't looking for someone else to solve it. It was a wave I had to ride myself.

What I knew, even in the middle of it, was that this wasn't permanent.

And that awareness, that this will pass, is growth. Quiet, unglamorous, completely invisible growth. But growth.

What kept me going

Daniel ate a lot of new foods last week. Not just a few. A lot.

Chicken breast that wasn’t breaded. Just plain, seasoned chicken breast. That is a phenomenon I’ve never seen before.

He ate sausages, humous, broccoli, cucumber, carrots, chips and grapes, all of which he has never eaten before!

In our world this counts as extraordinary progress.

In the middle of everything falling apart, watching Daniel grow made everything feel a little more manageable.

I also got all four of my workouts done. Even on the days I was running on empty. I felt strong and I managed to go up in my weights.

And I returned to full time working after the summer and caught up faster than I expected to.

The plates were falling everywhere. But not all of them.

The Saturday morning flip

I have identified a lot of internal patterns that show up since starting my psychology coaching qualification and one that shows up regular that can stay and I welcome with open arms is the pattern that when things go a bit wrong, i show up and get shit done.

I’m an action taker so on Saturday morning Daniel and I went out together and colour matched the paint for the fence and the shed.

We bought it. We came home. And we painted it together. Just the two of us.

It sounds small. But it wasn't small at all. In the middle of a week where so much felt completely out of my control, we took something that was wrong and we fixed it ourselves. Together.

My garden still needs the decking done. But the fence and the shed are finished. And I did that with Daniel.

There is a real sense of satisfaction in that that I wasn't expecting.

Saturday evening

My nephew Glenn came over and the three of us spent the rest of the day together. We went out. We watched movies. We ate together. I spent an absolute fortune on magazines in Scotmid for both of them and it was completely worth it when they sat on the sofa doing the activities from it and playing with their toys while i made dinner.

That quality time, that complete switching off, being entirely present with both of them, is something I really cherish.

And just like that, the week was over.

On the other side of it

I started writing this blog last week when I was in the thick of it. I'm finishing it this week when I'm out of it.

And that alone makes me see something clearly.

It's okay to have shitty weeks. It's okay to get into a headspace you feel you can't get out of. It's okay to feel low. And it's okay to admit you need help.

Not everything is permanent. Not even the worst weeks. This time is temporary. It will pass.

So the next time you're having a shitty week, just remember.

Your decking isn't bright orange.